Death by Bleach and Pinesol

   This weekend was so stressful for me. I started moving into my new apartment yesterday and I finally finished late today in the afternoon. My muscles ache all over my body. My apartment has three floors and no elevator. Who ever designed these apartment buildings were either fucking stupid or cheap as hell not to include fucking elevators. I'm definitely going to lose a lot of weight this summer. Me and my boyfriend made up yesterday. I'm not sure what happened exactly. It's like he melts my anger away so I can never be angry at him for very long when we're together but its so easy to be mad at him over the phone. Why is that? And today I'm starting to get frustrated with him again because it feels like he doesn't want to talk to me. I called him twice today and he gave me lame ass excuses for why he couldn't talk to me. Why can't he just be honest with me damn?! I do not trust him anymore. How can there a long lasting relationship with out trust? Sometimes I feel like he's just playing me. Am I the fool in love with a jerk? I don't want to be a stereotype. I thought about going on a break so I could just focus on myself but how long would that be? Separation can either break the relationship or make it stronger but most of the time it ends in disaster when someone starts to fall for someone else. Of course that's already happened but I don't want it to happen again...

End of Semester

So yeah, I didn't keep up with my blog as much as I originally wanted too but life happens, frustrations mount, and homework piles up. Thankfully I finished my final exams on Thursday. Currently I'm waiting to move into my new apartment and for summer I classes to start. I'm taking math for summer I and an online history course for summer II. I'm stressed out over the slow process to move and get financial aid for summer classes. But what's mostly bothering me right now is my relationships. My relationship with my family is strained and the love of my life is slowly shifting me to the backseat in his life right behind his best friend. I feel like I give so much and he returns so little. I don't feel important and neglected. I have doubts of my relationship lasting the summer and in a way it kinda feels like I'm just poking a dead animal with a stick hoping it will still move. I feel like I did everything right as a good girlfriend but it isn't enough. Why does this love have to be so freaking complicated?! Its ridiculous. I love him with all my heart and I know I will always love him but he's too selfish to give me what I need in a good boyfriend. My hearts so much just thinking about him. I want this pain so badly to end.

sleeping with a broken heart,

your Texas Pioneer